My blog posts have been lagging again so I’ll do another update on a variety of things going on. There’s been a bunch of little surprises, both good and not so good lately.
First, last weekend I really struggled with going to a design event that I was supposed to help plan. I say “supposed to” because things have gotten so hectic with other things in my life that I feel like I really dropped the ball and left the rest of the committee of one, do the heavy lifting. She’s an amazing student and had so many great ideas that my old self felt like I’d be getting in the way of her momentum. I helped day of, but not a whole leading up. So I really worried about showing up that day, wondering if people would be like there’s the lady who was a bum, even though I alluded to what’s been going on with my dad.
I was so glad I went. First, it was at a firm that my former boss always tells me if I want in, she might be able to help as she knows the owner well. It’s an exciting but scary, scary thought when I allow myself to go there. I’ve been out of school for two years now and other than helping family pick out a few paint colors, I haven’t been doing much with design at all. There’s no way I have a portfolio even worthy of looking at right now. But, I will file this connection in my back pocket until I’m ready to take the leap. The visit did get the gears turning though.
But the biggest thing about last Saturday’s event that literally gave me chills was when a lady attending the event overheard someone ask me how my dad was doing. I started to explain about his FTD diagnosis and she chimed in that her dad has a similar type of dementia, Lewy Bodies. I could not believe it! We ended up sitting and trading stories for the next half hour. Turns out she lives in the same county as me so we exchanged contact info for whenever we want to grab coffee and chat or vent or support one another. So that, in a way, was good.
Monday, was a little more difficult. My sister and I met with a realtor to list dad’s house. It’s such a weird feeling to do this. Almost feels like we are doing it behind his back, but we’ve carefully brought it up to him before as a way to ease him into what we have to do. And we really have to do this. All the debt he has racked up from losing the part of his brain that can handle finances is somewhere in the neighborhood of $70K. This does include realtor fees and prepaying funeral costs, but the bulk of it is the mess that he found himself in. So we are trying to fix it and clear mom’s name since the creditors are hounding her, even though my parents are divorced.
While we were in the midst of this, we learned that my dad’s twin brother and entire family was going to visit him. My cousins, their spouses, etc. They sent us photos of the visit and it just made us feel great. We know that dad was a miserable monster years ago, pushing away family and friends while the disease ate away at his brain, but it’s so nice to know that everyone is so understanding and helpful. It really means a lot.
This week I finally had two doctor appointments that I’ve been waiting for what seemed like quite some time to have. The first was the new pain management/back doctor since my guy left the hospital. As soon as I met him, I kinda wished I had him all along – little older, been in the field longer. We looked at my xrays and he studied where his former colleague decided to give the first two injections – a little above the area that’s bulging. He said he probably did that because getting it exactly where it needs to go is a little tricky. It’s a small space with a big margain of error. By going just above, the idea is that the medicine will trickle down. Well, that makes sense as to why I felt like the first one helped a good deal but the second one didn’t change things much at all. There just wasn’t the cummulative effect that I was hoping for. So I was a little annoyed that we didn’t get it quite right but we talked about managing this and he said to keep doing what I’m doing – stretching, decompression/traction, yoga, moving around, running. These things heal but they just take time. If I’m finding that I just can’t deal, we can do the third injection and I hope he hits the bullseye this time. In the meantime, he gave me a prescription for another type of NSAID, he called it a prescription-strength anti-inflammatory and it can be taken as needed and not every day. So that part was good because I’m tired of taking meds that just mess with my body more than doing what it needs to do. But, then as I read up about this particular drug, it states that women having difficulty trying to conceive should reconsider as it can interfere with ovulation and reduce fertility. So for someone like me, that’s taking it from next to nil to absolute zero? Awesome. So do I try this med for a little bit and see how this goes? Or do I keep dealing with the pain?
Speaking of dealing with the pain, I’m still trying to train for my half marathon coming up in May. It was going pretty good but the past two weeks have really taken a dive. Either I haven’t been able to train as much, or I’ve just been too wiped and tired to get in a good run. Lot of half-assing going on. I keep trying to motivate myself by thinking about dad. I keep thinking that if I make it through this half marathon and feel better than I did with my first two, I’d love to keep right on training for a full. I’d love to tie it into a fundraiser for research for my dad’s disease. So that kinda keeps me going when my legs won’t.
Yesterday, I had an appointment with my newly selected primary care physician. I haven’t been to a regular doctor in years and it’s getting to the point where insurance does not want me to list my OB/Gyn for my primary. I had been looking forward to this appointment as I heard she was very thorough and both my sister and mom have gone to her and liked her. We went over everything and she ordered a battery of blood tests. I thought for sure we’d find something that might help me understand why my body feels like it’s failing me in so many ways. Nope. All tests came back within normal range, including thyroid. So my issues are either in my head or it’s just how it’s going to be for me. Infertile without any underlying cause except for the endometriosis that may or may not be causing problems. Just depends who you ask.
So that’s about it. That’s the latest during my lapse in blogging. Busy with all kinds of stuff and hoping to keep moving along with things, hoping that maybe I’ll even ovulate once in a while.