So here I am on day one of age 39. I don’t feel much different. My back hurt just the same at 38 and the scale still isn’t budging, but I suppose birthday cake doesn’t help.
Since we are changing our tune and our thoughts on ttc, basically that it’s highly unlikely to happen, I’m working on changing the path of this blog. So I’ll be experimenting with changing the title and the description behind it. I sense a big overhaul that might even result in a spinoff blog but for now I’ll keep writing here.
It probably won’t be as much about baby stuff since I think that’s best in trying to move on. It will be tough doing that when we live where we live, but I’m doing ok. Certain people annoy me more than others and I just choose to distance myself and partake in things that I feel I can handle, sometimes in small doses, and that’s fine. We still have plenty of childless friends and things we can do on our own. Vacations, things to explore, and home projects to dive into.
As for the homefront, that’s a touchy one, too. But, I love our house and we would be foolish to try and sell right now, when we are making such great strides on debt and finances. So we just might build that deck afterall. Not just for resale, but for us to actually enjoy. We’ve waited long enough and we deserve a place to kickback after work and chill.
I’m trying to focus on other things, but it’s still hard. Case in point, I’m pretty sure my step-sister, who is expecting with her fourth child by father number 3 is due any minute now. In fact, it sure would be the icing on today’s birthday cake if she has it today, on my birthday. That would be this ttc journey’s ultimate cruel ending for us.
But, I have to let it go and move on. I can’t keep living this way. So this blog will hopefully start to document good things. Or at least more good things than sad ones. Ways to embrace our situation, to heal, to move on. There has to be something good in store for us. No one should endure this much and end up with nothing at the end of it.
So I have to believe when one door closes, another one opens. And, in a perfect coincidence, we repainted the front door to our house today.
Not the best photo as it was getting dark, but our door used to be black and we decided to give it a fresh, new look. Like a new start.
Probably not a bad idea…