I can’t do this food plan anymore. I made it through the first week without too much trouble, although I was getting to the point where I felt like my only choices were eggs and fish, and fish and nuts, and nuts and eggs, and eggs and eggs, and and and. But by the eighth day of what was supposed to be two weeks, I caved and had a cupcake. On day nine I had candy - several pieces of leftover Halloween candy, almost with that mentality that if I eat them all, they will go away and I can get it over with, move on and hopefully recover this food plan with only a few small bumps.
I still have had candy, although only one piece in a day and not several. I went to a work luncheon yesterday and when I saw a small piece of brie and some cinnamon sliced pears as garnish to my salmon salad, it was like I was in the Sahara needing water. I ate every piece of those garnishes and it was heaven. And I ate the damn dessert, too.
Yesterday I did much better at dinner and avoided the rice, which just meant more for hubby which he was thrilled about. I had a lean pork chop and a ton of asparagus. And then…I sipped some bourbon. Ugh! Hey, we brought it back from our Bourbon Trail vacation, what was I supposed to do?
I can’t take this anymore. What am I, a drunk with a sweet tooth? I guess not, but you’d think so with the way I’ve been trying and failing to fend off cravings. What makes this even more upsetting is when I think about what the chiropractors told me, that they’ve had patients who simply cut out sugar (and/or stuck to this plan for a little bit) and got pregnant when nothing else worked.
So I can’t put aside sugar or an after dinner drink to see if I even have a shot at getting pregnant? Not even for this two week trial period? That’s sad. And I’ve been really beating myself up inside for it. I guess when you’ve tried everything, and the big guns like IVF fail, I find it really hard to think that eliminating a few things from my diet is going to be the answer. Or if anything will be the answer.
I gave it my best but it’s Friday night and I’m seriously debating ordering a pizza and having some red wine. I just can’t do this anymore.