Taking candy for a baby

I can’t do this food plan anymore.  I made it through the first week without too much trouble, although I was getting to the point where I felt like my only choices were eggs and fish, and fish and nuts, and nuts and eggs, and eggs and eggs, and and and.  But by the eighth day of what was supposed to be two weeks, I caved and had a cupcake.  On day nine I had candy - several pieces of leftover Halloween candy, almost with that mentality that if I eat them all, they will go away and I can get it over with, move on and hopefully recover this food plan with only a few small bumps.


I still have had candy, although only one piece in a day and not several.  I went to a work luncheon yesterday and when I saw a small piece of brie and some cinnamon sliced pears as garnish to my salmon salad, it was like I was in the Sahara needing water.  I ate every piece of those garnishes and it was heaven.  And I ate the damn dessert, too. 

Yesterday I did much better at dinner and avoided the rice, which just meant more for hubby which he was thrilled about.  I had a lean pork chop and a ton of asparagus.  And then…I sipped some bourbon.  Ugh!  Hey, we brought it back from our Bourbon Trail vacation, what was I supposed to do?

I can’t take this anymore.  What am I, a drunk with a sweet tooth?  I guess not, but you’d think so with the way I’ve been trying and failing to fend off cravings.  What makes this even more upsetting is when I think about what the chiropractors told me, that they’ve had patients who simply cut out sugar (and/or stuck to this plan for a little bit) and got pregnant when nothing else worked. 

So I can’t put aside sugar or an after dinner drink to see if I even have a shot at getting pregnant?  Not even for this two week trial period?  That’s sad.  And I’ve been really beating myself up inside for it.  I guess when you’ve tried everything, and the big guns like IVF fail, I find it really hard to think that eliminating a few things from my diet is going to be the answer.  Or if anything will be the answer.   

I gave it my best but it’s Friday night and I’m seriously debating ordering a pizza and having some red wine.  I just can’t do this anymore.

4 thoughts on “Taking candy for a baby

  1. Do what your heart tells you to do. Obviously you are craving and unless you are an emotional eater like me, perhaps its your body telling you that its lacking something? What I usually do is chew on peppermint gum when I start to crave. The taste of toothpaste just diverts my mind from eating. When I am depressed I crave extremely greasy fries and cake icing. I’ve licked the icing of a whole cake from c.ost.co. Shame on me! :(

  2. You know something? I follow your blog closely esp as I turned 40 this year and so much of what you say resonates strongly with me. I’m about to have my very last go at ivf and reading your blog I find myself thinking and saying to you ‘just live!!!! Give yourself permission to live!!!’ I normally wouldnt write this, but i guess this is what I will be saying to myself if this round doesn’t work. And you have permission to say it to me too if you see that I am still harbouring angst and beating myself up about my own behaviour in the whole reproductive business.. Hxxx

  3. Thanks to you both! It’s so hard trying to remain rigid and disciplined for something you want to badly, only to lose sight on living your life. There’s gotta be a way to have a balance and save your sanity!

  4. I’m right there. I feel as though I have no life, it’s consumed with the fact that I cannot have children, and don’t have the money to go forward.
    It’s hard to refocus and switch gears, because there’s always a glimmer of hope way deep in the back.

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