Walk of shame

Yesterday was the first time in a week that I was able to run.  It was supposed to be a joyous and momentous occasion.  It was the final session of the Couch to 5K nine-week program.  I was supposed to feel proud and victorious knowing that me, the non-runner who still can’t believe she took it up as an exercise hobby and didn’t quit once the entire time.  Not once.  Every time I set out, even though it got harder and harder to do, I stuck with it.  Pushing myself. 

That all ended yesterday.

I made it through 25 of the 30 minutes that I was supposed to run and I quit.

I QUIT.  And made the walk of shame back home. 

And I couldn’t be more disappointed with myself.  The entire time my mind was telling me I just couldn’t do it today.  My legs felt like lead.  I felt lightheaded and sick.  I could come up with a ton of excuses why and some of them were pretty legitimate.  I’ve pumped my body full of Clomid this month and haven’t felt right since.  I’ve felt tired and stressed out with the meds, doctor stuff, work and school.  But I think the main factor is the first sentence of this blog post.  I hadn’t run in a week.  This was by far the longest lapse I’ve dealt with and the biggest reason for it was that I injured my neck somehow.  Possibly from running, maybe from sleeping on it wrong, and most certainly from stress. 

I was in such pain for a solid week to the point that I dug out some old Percocet left over from a surgery just so I could sleep one night.  This was after several bad nights of sleep in a row and couldn’t take it anymore.  Pain makes you crazy.  The night I took it I was pacing around from the pain and the anxiety of knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep comfortably. 

So excuses, excuses.  I tried to run and finish my program and failed.  I quit. 

Good news is my neck is finally better.  Better news is that I’m not going to stop running just yet.  I’m going to get out there again and finish the program.  I’m amazed that I’ve accomplished this much so far and I need to conquer my goal of a 5K before the weather turns. 

I will not fail.

One of those crazy runners

I’d see runners out in the middle of winter so covered up you’d only see their eyes and I’d think “they’re crazy!”

I’d see runners out in the sweltering heat, dripping with sweat and I’d think “they’re crazy!”

I’d see photos of female runners in a race with menstrual blood running down their legs and I’d think “they’re crazy!”

Well, call me crazy then because after yesterday I think I finally get it!

No, no, I don’t have my period.  LOL!  But after writing my blog post yesterday, getting all pumped up to run, I started feeling really sick at work.  It started about 3 hours after lunch.  What did I eat for lunch?  I went out and got myself a nice, healthy salad. 

Now I don’t know if it was a cleanliness-issue, or a this-salad-was-made-two-days-ago-issue, but there was definitely an issue. 

By 3:30pm, I took 2 antacids and decided to lie down on this couch in our lunchroom for a few minutes.  When that didn’t work, I repeated the cycle.  At 5pm I thought I was going to die during my 45 minute commute home.  By the time I got home, well, let’s just say there was a situation. 

And some pepto.

My husband was like “there’s no way you’re going to run today like that.”  And the old me would have looked for ANY excuse to agree with him.  I said, “I’ve got a good hour yet before we run.”

At about 15 minutes before my neighbor was to meet me outside, I took one more dose of pepto.

That ought to do it. 

I am officially crazy.  I did not want to disappoint my friend, or myself and I did not want to miss an opportunity to see if we could do the next session in our program. 

Then I decided that Point A was my house (with a bathroom) and Point B was the golf course clubhouse (with a bathroom) and that anything in between was the woods and I went so far as to put several tissues into my pocket, just in case I couldn’t get from Point A to Point B. 

Really. 

I think in the back of my mind I felt confident, but it was a scary decision.  LOL!

So we did it.  Yesterday’s run was the usual five minute warmup walk, then EIGHT minutes of running, walk for five, then run for eight again.  Then the cooldown.  I still can not believe that it didn’t kill me.  I felt great!  The first interval of eight minutes felt like nothing.  Maybe wondering if I’ll need to find a spot in the woods provided a distraction, I don’t know.  Ha!  But yesterday was really great. 

Wanna know something even more crazy than running after being sick?  Our plan to run again on Saturday morning at like 7:30am!  It’s the only time we both can fit in our last session of the week.   And, if I’m not mistaken, it involves  running for two straight miles.

Yep.  Officially crazy.

C25K – Day one, for real

Yesterday as I drove to my gym to test out this Couch to 5K program and app on my ipod I found myself staring at runners.  Hope they didn’t notice.  LOL!   But I was fascinated by everyone’s running style and wondered how stupid and green as a runner I was going to look in about an hour. 

I was actually kind of nervous.  Something as basic as running was making me nervous.  It seemed ridiculous.  I’ve been actively working out for most of my adult life so what’s with the apprehension?  I guess because the running wasn’t going to be linked to anything like sports or trying to hurry to the other side of the street during the flashing “don’t walk” signal.   Just. Running. 

Gag.

So I got to the gym, changed my clothes and strolled up to our track to stretch out a little. 

Ok, you can do this.  There’s only like 4 other people on it. 

I fired up the app and when the music started, I listened for my prompts.  Ohh, Lady Gaga, this is a good start.  I had selected a set of workout tunes and set it to random.  More unknowns, but I kinda liked it that way.  Figured it would create a nice distraction for me wondering what song would be next. 

The program started with a 5 minute warmup of just walking.  I figured I would walk it rather briskly so the transition from walk to run wouldn’t be like running into a brick wall.   I got to see what this track was like.  I never used it before and it’s upstairs from most of the fitness center.  I usually look up at it between sets at any of the weight machines I use.  Totally different perspective from up there.

I knew what was coming next.  The first 60 second interval to run.  It would alternate between 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for the next 20 minutes or so.  How hard could that be, right?  I must have been anticipating it being hard because I had to stop looking at the warmup countdown.  I put the ipod in my pocket and just waited . . .

DING! – - RUN!

Oh, jeezus.  Here we go. 

Too fast!

Too fast!  Pace yourself or you’ll never get thru the program!

Are my knees too close together?

Are my feet too far apart?

I don’t even want to know what the hell my arms are doing right now.

Luckily there weren’t any mirrors nearby like they have in aerobic rooms, but there was my shadow on the wall bouncing by.  I refused to look and hoped no one else was looking at me. 

Oh great, there’s the free-weight section, now I’ll have to . . .

DING! – - WALK!

That was it?  That was 60 seconds?  Oh, I can so do this! 

I kept up my pace and felt pretty good, it didn’t seem too boring yet and there was enough change-up between running and walking to ease my mind.  After a few more intervals I was starting to feel it. 

DING, DING, DOO, DA, DEE – - “You are halfway through!”

WHAT?!?!  Sigh.

Am I breathing right?

Am I even breathing?

Is that a stitch in my side that I’m feeling?

No stitch!  NO, NO, NO!  I will not flash back to 8 years old on the playground! 

DING! – - WALK!

Whew! 

I can do this running stuff.  Look at Grandpa over here, he’s gotta be like 75 and has been running circles around me. 

One day at a time. 

So I made it through.  A couple times near the end I felt a little achy, but I did it.  And, ya know, I didn’t hate it!  In fact, I’m sorta looking forward to tomorrow for day 2. 

After stretching for a bit, I went downstairs to my comfortably familiar vantage point to do some arm machines.  As I looked up, I felt good.  No, I felt great about myself. 

Ok look, there goes Gramps!  You go, Gramps! 

 

C25K – Day one, take two

So yesterday I put it out there.  I was going to put one foot in front of the other and start running.  I spent all day psyching myself up by talking to runners of all skill levels.  Some with a wealth of knowledge that stems from being a serious marathon runner for years and some who have just started recently and didn’t think they’d even like it.  Even talked to a few who run and still aren’t fond of it, but like the health benefits enough to stick with it.  Can’t wait to see what category I’ll fall into. 

I thought about all the good things that could come out of trying out this Couch to 5K program and what the discovery of running might do for me.   Overall health and fitness, endurance, confidence, the endorphins, the clear mind, all of it.  I still wasn’t completely sure I could take this first step so I did even more research and checked some of the message boards of people who are so happy they started the program.  People who lost weight, people who were fit a long time ago but have recently gotten back into it, people who just wanted a new hobby. 

The techy-challenged gal that I am even found an ipod app that is synched up to the C25K program week to week.  Basically you can play your tunes while running this program over it and it will tell you when to run and when to walk.  You mean I don’t have to try and carry a stopwatch or keep track of how many reps I’ve done?!  Amazing!!   Called up hubby to get the app for me and I even made a pit-stop home so I could pick up the ipod and see how it works.  I decided to change my clothes at home, saving me even more time once I got to the gym.  I could walk in and go straight to the track, armed with my tunes and the voice on my ipod keeping time for me.  

I was actually a little more excited than I was nervous. 

Get to the gym, park the car, pop the trunk to hide purse, grab keys, look for the ipod.

Look for the ipod.

Where the hell is the ipod? . . .

You have got to be kidding me?  After. ALL. that.  All day long getting myself pumped up and ready to run, I forget the ipod on the counter in our kitchen. 

Called hubby and he confirmed I left it at home.  Got back in my car and went home.  I didn’t even have my regular ipod with me for tunes to use on an elliptical routine instead.  Nuthin’. 

He was like “you heading back out?”  I’m like forget it.  It was already after 7pm and we still had dinner to cook. 

So today’s the day.  Day one, AGAIN.   I have everything with me except the nerve I had built up yesterday.  I hope I can do this.

Running my life

There are two phases in my life.   The things I can control and the things I can not. 

So far, both are failing miserably. 

I gotta get out of this funk before school starts back up, and I don’t necessarily want to wish the summer away to do it either.  So I guess I’ll start with the same thing that always needs attention – - my overall health and fitness.  Sometimes I’m on and sometimes I’m just really off.  And this would be one of those off times.  What will it take?  I don’t always have a buddy system because some of the people I work out with are off the wagon more than me.  And some of the most motivated buddies, I don’t live near, it’s just not convenient.  If working out becomes inconvenient, you can forget it.  I don’t know how anyone sticks with it otherwise. 

This past weekend I finally said “enough!”  I had a gift certificate for Amazon and decided to use it for one of those fitness watches that measures your heart rate and tracks calories burned.  A friend of mine swears by it and said it becomes addicting to use.  I don’t need a watch to tell me I’m being a lazy-ass on the couch, but maybe there’s some inspiration in seeing if you burned more calories than the day before?  I need something.  Anything.

The other thing I may try and I can’t believe I’m even saying it is . . . running. 

Ack!!!  Running.

I. LOATHE. RUNNING.

Well, at least I think I do.

When I was a kid on the playground, I can recall actually liking running.  I remember relay races and always being tall and always seeming fast.   As I got a little older, I realized I wasn’t really all that fast and most of the time I was holding my side in pain from some sort of runner’s stitch.  I remember being ridiculed for not being able to play tag for very long.  It was probably then that the hatred began. 

I always liked sports though and pushed myself to do well.  All I had to do was get through the tryouts which usually involved running an 8-minute mile.  Ugh!  I still shudder at the thought, but I always did it.  I was never out to break any records, but I’d do what was asked of me. 

Looking back, when I played sports, and even beyond high school, I was in such great shape.  It’s probably because I had to run.  Not any great distances, but just that I was very active.  I felt strong.  I could eat whatever I wanted.  I could wear anything in my closet and not have this routine every day where I have a 3-wardrobe-change minimum before deciding on the outfit that disgusts me the least. 

Running.  I have to keep saying it to make it stick.  Running. Everyone’s doing it.  I mean EVERYONE!  Every time I turn around I discover another friend or family member is running in a race.  People I would never imagine being a runner are runners!   So I think I’m going to give it a shot.  I’m going to try one of those couch to 5K programs that starts you off easy and slowly increases as you progress.  This is going to be a tough goal, but now’s the time.  I’ve let too many other things run my life.  Time for me to take a step in the right direction, however slow a step it may be at first.

An experiment going wrong

I can’t yet say it’s gone wrong, but so far it’s going wrong. 

My wellness coach that visits our work each month decided to have me try a little experiment.  I’ve long been the type who weighs themselves every day.

Every. Single. Day.

Without fail.

And what he tried to tell me was to stop doing that because I guess it’s messing with my mind.  Since stress plays a big part in weight gain/loss for women, we need to relax.  While I argued that if I don’t check in each morning, I won’t have a good handle on my exercise and diet regimens, he seems to think that I’m doing a small disservice to myself each and every morning.  After I get off the scale, I have a sense of frustration that starts my day off on the wrong foot.  It sounds so simple really so I agreed to the experiment. 

He told me to only weigh in twice before our next meeting which means once every two weeks.   At first I thought this was like asking someone to take brushing their teeth out of their morning routine.  Just isn’t going to happen.  Weighing myself has embedded itself into my routine for about as long as I’ve owned a scale. 

The first few days were agony.  But then something happened.  Since I had no way to gauge my progress, I had to turn it up a notch.  I really paid attention to my meal planning and I worked out almost every single day.  I went from averaging 4-5 times a week to a 10 day in a row stretch.  It just happened.  And it felt good.  I felt good.

My 10 day streak ended because I forgot to pack gym socks the other day. Damn!  That turned into two days off in a row.  No big deal, right?  Worked out the next day, and now today marks another two days in a row with no gym time.  That’s still fine.  Or at least it should be.

Today also marks the first time I can step on the scale in two weeks.  What was once very difficult, actually got easier.  I almost forgot today I could take a peek. 

This is that part in the story where the reader is ready to hear some great news.  Unfortunately, there isn’t any.

I didn’t lose a single pound.  In fact, I gained one.   The only difference between this weigh in and the one from two weeks ago was, I don’t know, maybe I pooped before weighing last time?  LOL! 

So frustrated. 

No, furious.  Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

How can this be?  So instead of having a series of mini-disappointments each morning, I got to save it up for two weeks and have a MAJOR disappointment this morning. 

But I’m going to take a deep breath, center myself, and not let this bother me.  I still want to lose ten pounds before getting pregnant.  I won’t give up on this.  In looking back, when I stopped obsessing about the scale, I felt happier.  People were telling me I looked skinnier, yet I couldn’t say for sure without knowing the number.  My bigger sized pants are literally falling off of me, but I couldn’t convince myself without confirmation of that darn scale. 

So I’m going to continue with the experiment.  At first I didn’t think I would after being incredibly pissed this morning.  But I liked the way I felt in the past week so I want to see if that mood continues. 

We’ll see what the next two weeks brings.  Maybe the wellness coach is on to something?

Sick is not sexy

Figures.

The mindset is amazingly different being off the pill.  Counting days, keeping track of this and that.   These past few days, was our opportunity . . .  and I’m sick.

Let me tell you, sick is not sexy.  Talk about a mood breaker.  LOL!  Ugh!

I think I’m coming down with a bad cold, hopefully nothing more.  My head aches, I’m sneezing and have a tickle in my throat.  Trying to sleep last night was hopeless.  This was not the way I envisioned feeling about trying to conceive.  I had it played out in my mind a little differently.  But this is all new and strange, feeling chained to the calendar and my cycle.  If we miss this window, it’s on to the next month. 

I told myself not let this bother me, but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t spend the day on BabyCenter.com, while watching Knocked Up, curled up with a box of tissues and throat lozenges.  I wasn’t going to let this consume me, but I’m sick what else is there to do?

And that’s not all.  Misery loves company.  My husband is also sick.  Are we going to conceive a baby with the sniffles?  Baby will come out sneezin’ when it’s born?  Haha!  Ok, maybe not. 

Oh well, I’m going to do my usual Sunday ritual and enjoy a glass of wine.  I’ve decided to not get so crazy with cutting out every single thing just yet and obsessing over everything.  I need to relax and not think.  And maybe us two sickies will give it one last try while the window is still there. 

Yeah, not so sexy.  That’s for sure!

I. Am. Exhausted.

I. Am. Sore.

I. Am. Crazy.  LOL!

Maybe, maybe not.   The verdict’s still out on that one.  I’ve been trying to get back into working out and eating better and when I had some minor surgery earlier this month, I was sidetracked.  Actually, take that one step back.  Before the surgery we had the holidays and I was REALLY sidetracked!  So now that I’m feeling strong again I’ve been back at it, trying to workout when I can. 

Week one post surgery 3x

Week two 3x

Week three 5x!!  And the week ain’t over yet!  I might try and get one in over the weekend, too. 

What’s changed this week?  I don’t know.  I guess I’ve been doing some thinking and, well, some looking in the mirror, and it bothers me.  I’m still not where I need to be and now that my husband and I want to start trying to have a baby I really need to lose some weight. 

Fifteen pounds. 

I’d love twenty, but I’ll settle for fifteen. 

So I’ve been back at it for the past three weeks and this week I’m on fire.  Literally.  Well, at least my legs are.  You’ll see why in a sec.

I normally do around 30-35 minutes on the elliptical and burn anywhere from 300-400 calories every time.  Yesterday a few of the ladies at work decided to change things up and climb the stairwells at work.  I thought “Sign me up!” 

We have a 16 floor building. 

We climbed all the stairs.

TWICE.

Ouch doesn’t even begin to cover it.    That burning leg comment I made earlier? . . . umm, yeah.  Funny thing was, it only took about 15 minutes to complete, but I was probably sweating even more than my elliptical routine and in half the time!  So we are going to make this a regular Thursday thing at lunch time.  If I can walk again by then! 

You’d think I’d come home today and skip the gym, but this baby thing’s got a hold on me now.  So I went and pushed through it.  Not as vigorous as my usual self, but enough to loosen up the muscles and break a sweat.  I thought to myself, this might even be more dedication and effort than for my wedding?  How can this be?! 

Well, I don’t have to worry about fitting into a dress this time.  I only had to fit one person in my dress.   Ask my sister who was my matron of honor, what that’s like when she went to her last fitting for my wedding, pregnant with twins and couldn’t zip it up.  LOL!   

But in all seriousness, it is a health thing.  I’m like 5′-8 1/2″.  Is the 1/2″ necessary?  Well sort of when you try out one of those BMI calculators.  Many of them won’t let you type in a 1/2″ so when I type in 5’9″ I’m slightly disappointed at the result and when I type in 5’8″, I’m even MORE disappointed at the result. 

My BMI is considered healthy, but barely.  I’m barely hanging on.  We’re talking fractions of a point is all the difference in being considered “overweight or unhealthy BMI”.  I’m working on it and have been for quite some time but now I feel like it matters even more.   It makes me leery to get pregnant right now when my BMI isn’t healthy enough for one, let alone “two”. 

So that’s why I’m doing it.   For me.  For future baby.  In fact, that was my mantra on the stairs yesterday. 

Maybe I’ll get to the gym again this weekend and hopefully not right next to “annoying coughing dude” who ended up cutting my workout short tonight because I just couldn’t stand being near his hacking, while exhaling near me, all without covering his mouth. 

Dude, I’m trying to get pregnant here.  Oh wait, ok, not here exactly.  LOL!  Well, you know what I mean!

Whew!

The biggest relief of my life today. 

I could not sleep last night. I kept waking up worrying about my call-back mammogram testing this morning.  I literally dreamt of boobs.  No joke.  Like all sorts of women I know, friends, whoever, all talking about boobs.  Comparing boobs, talking about boobs, boob jobs.  It was the most ridiculous dream.  I couldn’t make this up if I tried.  And in this dream, I felt left out or like I was viewing all this from some remote island. 

I woke up like WTF? 

Oh yeah, I suppose this has something to do with my test today. 

Then in the shower, I kid you not, the song “Isn’t it Ironic?” was looped in my brain.  I don’t even know the last time I heard that song.  It wasn’t recent but the radio in my mind was blaring it on 10. 

So many women in my life for the past week have told me “I’ll be fine” or “it will be nothing”.  And while on one hand that’s easy to believe, I know so many women who have had scares, some of them cancer.   So I couldn’t help but feel like the odds were 50/50 today for me. 

When I got to the breast center at the hospital I was impressed with their facility and waiting area.  It was very calming and warm rich colors.  Similar to colors at my house and not the usual outdated peach, seafoam, rose or mauve colors with an icky wallpaper border peeling away from the corners that you see in a lot of facilities in desperate need of a facelift.  It was up-to-date and lovely. 

When I got called in everything starts to feel surreal.  You kinda listen but it’s hard to concentrate.  The waiting is the worst.  I waited to get called into the room, freezing in my little robe.  I saw the equipment and realized last week’s mammogram-torture device was probably called “junior”. This one was definitely more high-tech.  

We went over my previous films and I had no idea what I was looking at.  She explained that since this was my baseline and that I’m still young, the call-back can sometimes happen with dense breasts.  She felt there wouldn’t be a problem but explained that they have to go thru all the necessary steps. 

Apparently, being squished even worse than the first time, like crepe vs pancake, was the next step.  She squished me in all different directions using several different plates, I’m not gonna lie, this time . . .

it hurt. 

It was like my ears were going in and out of consciousness.  We’d start to talk and then I just wasn’t hearing her.  Between the pain and the fear, she was muffled to me.  Now she’s drawing on my breast and I’m like oh that’s it.  X marks the spot.  That’s where the cancer is. 

I waited for what felt like a year for the results. 

When she came back in and the first word out of her mouth was, “Ok…”, I knew right then and there we were going to the next step.  I don’t know how but I knew.  Maybe it was her tone or her pause or just my ridiculous intuition. 

I had to have the ultrasound step.  “Just in case.”

The wait for this step felt like an eternity.  My mind was killing me.  I wanted to call my mom.   I wanted to call my husband.  But I couldn’t.  Not yet.

The ultrasound was actually the most pleasant part of all. No squishing, hardly any pain and warm gel was applied.  Finally, some warmth!  I’ve been freezing at attention ever since I changed out of my clothes!  LOL! 

She said that it would take a few minutes for the radiologist to look these over but she felt there would be nothing to worry about. 

Whew!  A relief.  I wasn’t out of the woods yet but there was definitely a clearing. 

Within a few minutes, that actually felt more like minutes and not years, I was given my paperwork.

Normal/Negative.  No evidence of cancer.

What a relief!  Chances are, I’ll probably have to start going yearly sooner rather than later, but I’ll deal.  No way am I taking this testing for granted.  EVER.  (BTW, my mom’s testing came back normal too!)

One last thing to ponder about this visit.  The technologist who squished me today, had her first child at 41.  Said it was the best thing that ever happened to her.   Didn’t have any problems and she gave me hope.

On to Monday, dr’s follow-up for my surgery and boob scare.  Lots of stuff to discuss, including getting ready for baby!

Mindless post

Nothing much to report really.  Everything is sort of in waiting mode and that is precisely when my mind and I like to duke it out. 

Ahh my brain, my mind.  Warped at times, but always guiding, and sometimes, misguiding me.   It’s the mind that keeps me awake at night, yet keeps me in bed in the morning.  Won’t let me sleep at night, but sleep is all it wants to do when the clock rings. 

Like 9 times a day.  Seriously, I hit snooze on average 5-9 times a morning. 

Every evening, even if I feel tired, it doesn’t matter.  My husband can fall asleep in less than a minute. Not me.  Not always.  I described my mind to him as satellite dish tv with hundreds of channels, and someone is sitting on the remote. 

Click, click, click.  Gotta do this tomorrow.  Don’t forget that.  What am I going to do about this?  It’s exhausting. 

Then morning comes.  I hate mornings.  Why can’t I get up?  Is it because of where I’m heading?  Most of the time it’s work.  What does that tell you?  But sometimes I’m getting up for other things and it’s rough.  My mind doesn’t stop. 

It can also be my worst enemy at times.  Especially when I’m trying something new, waiting for an answer to something, or most often, when I’m standing in front of the mirror attempting to get dressed every morning.  It loves these moments. 

When I’m trying to read my homework assignments, sometimes it won’t cooperate with me.  It’s gotten better though.  Back in the day I’d almost never know what I just read.  Now I only have to go back once in a while and reread something.  Probably because I’m tired from it keeping me up the night before!

My husband usually gets up BEFORE the clock even rings.  You know that little click sound you hear before the actual alarm?  Yeah, that’s how he rolls.  Right out of bed and into the shower.  I don’t know how he does it, but he has this saying “only you can determine the kind of day you will have.”

I’d like to think that I don’t purposely tell myself to “HAVE A CRAPPY DAY!”, replacing this little guy  with a red-faced, grimace-y grump.  Do I really do that to myself?  I guess I must. 

Just once I’d like to win.  I want to beat my mind at its own game.  And I think I’m doing that with my schooling and plans and everything but it will take a while to finish.  And my mind knows this.  It reminds me every time I go to school.  Even though I’m loving it, it’s hard not to be reminded of how many more classes I have, then the job search at the end.  Thanks, mind! 

This week, it will feast like a king.  I have so much on my plate it’s not even funny.  From deadlines at work, to going to my meeting with my wellness coach telling him I haven’t lost any more weight and in fact, I’ve gained.  Oh yeah, the biggie, going for my call-back mammogram on Wednesday, plus school just kicked it up a notch.  I think I read about 30 pages last night (5 of them twice!), and have about 30 more to read tonight.  This is just for tomorrow’s class.  It doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what is expected of me in my Saturday class this week.   Then finding time for the gym and trying to cook healthy, keep up with the house.  Some people strive on juggling.  I don’t think I’m there yet. 

AGHAHGGHH!   Eat up, brain.  Food for thought this week.  Enjoy!