Mind and body

I’m going through another sporadic bout of insomnia again and I HATE it.   My mind will not shut off.  Ever.  Especially at bedtime. 

Hubby is usually snoozin’ away and there I am tossing and turning and mostly, thinking.   I know this is classic “me”.  But lately it seems worse.  I’ll think about everything that’s going on in my life and even things that are not going on in my life.  Things I need to remember to do or bring someplace.  Things I need to check on or make a note about.  Bills, appointments, follow-ups.  What’s going on this weekend?  Do we need anything?  To do anything? 

It drives me nuts. 

I’d like to blame it on the hormone-adjustment period of going off the pill but who knows?  It’s only been about a month and a half since stopping it. 

I told myself that I should try and get to the gym in the morning today.  This is never an easy feat for me.  But I’ve done it twice already this week.   

My husband gets up super early for work, like 4-ish sometimes.  He’ll ask me what time I’d like clock reset for.  I usually respond with 7:00 and then this is followed with 9 consecutive slams to the snooze button. 

Not today.  My mind was going crazy. 

You know, you also need to pick up a few things from the grocery store.  How are you going to fit that in if you workout?

Don’t forget to get valentine’s day cards.

Oh, and we’re out of laundry detergent and that pile of laundry is growing. 

It’s at the foot of the bed, starting its own zip code, go look at it.

Oh enough already!  I’m up.  I’m up.

So I went to the gym and now my body is questioning the pill for all sorts of things.  Like where’s this instant 5 pound weight loss that so many women claim to have after stopping?  Or how about the fact that I feel everything?  Every single thing.  Every twinge, every pain, every what was that? that goes on with my body. 

Did the pill really mask EVERYTHING?  It must have.  I can probably identify the exact moment an ovary is rupturing, I swear!  LOL! 

I’m not so sure how I feel about this, but I guess I have no choice if I want to get pregnant.  One thing’s for certain, my body needs to QUIT WHINING and my mind needs to BE QUIET!

Blues ‘n snooze

My eyes are burning. 

I have been so weepy lately.  Saturday I just lost it.  Floodgates.  I’m not exactly sure why, but it felt like EVERYTHING was the reason.  My husband was so comforting and I think the whole episode caught him off-guard.  But he was there for me, and, in fact, thinking about it right now makes me teary. 

What is wrong with me?

Yesterday, I slept.  Like ALL DAY.  I had plenty of sleep the night before but woke up with a headache that just wouldn’t quit.  So I fell asleep on the couch.  And, I hardly ever nap.  Ever.  It was like I just didn’t want to deal with the world or something. 

Again, what is wrong with me?

At first I thought maybe I crashed and burned from all the things that have been consuming my mind.  Deciding on the best time to start trying to get pregnant.  Wondering about how healed I am from surgery yet.  Feeling discouraged about just how many more classes I have ahead of me to finish my new degree.  The order in which I’d prefer to do things.  The notion that work often depresses me.  Everything.  It’s definitely enough to make you crash, right? 

But this just seemed different.  I’m just not myself. 

I started looking up after-effects from the surgery.  Is this the normal reaction your body goes through?  Surprisingly, there can be a connection with surgery post-op and the blues.  And there is most certainly a connection with being sleepy while recovering.  But some of the surgeries discussed were much more intense than what I went through and while I think this could be part of the issue, I’m still not entirely convinced it’s the entire reason. 

It’s been almost two weeks since surgery, what else could this be?  And why the heck are my nipples hurting so bad?  Lol.

What. IS. That?

After emailing my sister a few times, she tossed an idea out there.

I

STOPPED

THE

PILL

OMG!  That’s it. 

Why are women’s hormones so wacky?!!   It’s so weird.  I went off the pill once before and I just don’t remember it being like this, but then again, we were in the middle of two-mortgage-mania and other nonsense during that time, so I think I had other distractions. 

So this is kinda bad.  I don’t like it.  But, it is what it is.  I’m just glad to have identified the problem.  At least I think so.  I will certainly have LOTS of questions for my doctor during my post-op follow-up appointment in a couple weeks. 

As for those nips, ugh.  They get to be squeezed with the rest of the boob during my first mammogram tomorrow.

Guess what I’m writing about tomorrow?  LOL!

Fun times.  Oh, to be a wacky woman with wacky hormones.