Apparently I started this blog five years ago today. It seems I’ve totally forgotten that, and the fact that it’s the same day as my twin niece and nephew’s birthday, too. I guess I did start this on their big day. It was a different time then. We were celebrating their second birthday and I was halfway through my 35th year. I had hope then. I had dreams. I didn’t worry about 40 even though it was the next milestone for birthdays. I had plans to flow gracefully into 40 with goals and plans having been met, crushing the notion of any of those silly birthday cards about being over the hill. Now, I can barely walk and I fear my brain will degenerate like my father’s has.
What a way to wrap up five years.
I started this blog five years ago on this day, and exactly a year later, we started trying to conceive. I kinda wish I chose a different time of year for these things so I wouldn’t be reminded of them on my niece and nephew’s birthday. I wish I had some grand post to write up, but I don’t. If it weren’t for logging on here and seeing the little trophy reminder, I wouldn’t have even realized the blog milestone today.
I’m still sort of taking things day by day at this point. Good days and bad for everything. A good run, breaking my previous records one day, followed by feeling tired and crippled the next time out. Having a good day at work where I really feel on top of things, then having a day where I feel like a zombie pushing papers around, getting nothing accomplished. Months and months of nursing injuries, not just physical but also mental. Things still on hold, after five years. First putting them on hold because we were ttc, and now many of those same things are still on hold as we recover from ttc – financially, mentally, and physically. Mostly financially.
I’ve now got less than six months to go until I’m 40 and the way I’m feeling right now, I don’t think I can be a good sport about it and laugh at those over the hill jokes and cards. If I’m still shuffling around in pain by then, it will be awfully hard to convince people otherwise. Over. The. Hill. That’s about all I’ve got for today.